Watch out, late fee dodgers!

First, here's the article:AOL Money & Finance: - - A New Threat To Your Credit Rating Now. I say good for them! In my mind, if you get a ticket, you have to pay it. If you get a fine, you have to pay it. If you dont return your library books, you have to pay for them! If cities want to start collecting on all these fines, etc. that people owe (and yes, they do owe) I say it's about time. Especially if it will help keep taxes down. It doesnt seem unreasonable to me. I do have to wonder about the cost effectiveness of hiring a collection agency to track down small dollar amounts. I mean, does it make sense to pay a collector $10/hr. to track down a $40 fine? But, I suppose if they werent getting any money out of it they'd come up with a new plan. Or just tax people more. The part that really makes me mad, though, is this Mr. DaCorsi, who seems to be under the impression that the library just gives away books. He says he prided himself on his excellent credit, which would lead one to the conclusion that he's in the habit of paying all his bills on time. So why can't he return his library books? Granted, things happen and whatnot, and library books get returned late, so you have to pay a fine. But c'mon...is 10 cents per day really that much of a financial hardship? PAY YOUR DAMN LATE FEES, DUDE, AND QUIT WHINING ABOUT IT!!! And now the poor DaCorsi children are barred from going to the library. They must go to Barnes & Noble from now on. What, exactly, is he trying to teach his children? The library was wrong to want the late fees/missing books that Mr. DaCorsi owed them? Because, yes, he did owe them! So next time Junior wants a picture book, he's going to have to shell out at least $20 for it. Hmm....Barnes & Noble seems to be profiting greatly from Mr. DaCorsi's situation. Perhaps it's all an evil plot? Who wants to bet that B&N is behind this evil scheme to ruin the credit of all library patrons because they're borrowing books instead of buying them!?

Tennessee beats Temple 11-6 in low scoring NCAA basketball game

This was feautured in some news articles... I found it very interesting. Talk about a boring game. Look at it on the bright side... 17 points would be very exciting if it were soccer or hockey!

Infamy in 17 points - Flashback: Tennessee 11, Temple 6
Basketball Digest, Dec, 2003 by Chuck O'Donnell
TRUDEAUX TO KNEIB.

Kneib to Trudeaux.

Trudeaux to Kneib.

Two of Temple's best ball-handlers, Rick Trudeaux and John Kneib, stood like Easter Island statues in Chuck Taylors, passing the ball back and forth for minutes at a time. With no shot clock to stop them, the Owls had decided before their game with host Tennessee in the Volunteer Classic on December 15,1973, that no matter how ugly or boring it was, or how badly they desecrated the game of they were going to stall.

For Temple coach Don Casey, this was the Owls' best, and perhaps only, way to best Tennessee.

"Tennessee had a great team," Casey says. "We thought this was going to give us the best chance to win. So we took two guys and put them out by the 28-foot line, had them standing about five feet part, and we had them pass the ball back and forth, back and forth.

"This was uncharted territory. We didn't know exactly what we were doing. It got to the point where we said, "Well, what should we do next?"

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Kneib to Trudeaux.

Trudeaux to Kneib.

Kneib to Trudeaux.

As the ball went back and forth and the sands of time oozed through the hourglass, Tennessee held its ground.

"Temple had a good team," says Len Kosmalski, the Volunteers' leading scorer that season. "We were prepared for a good game. Then we got word that Temple didn't think they could play with us. They went into their stall tactics. We played a disciplined style taught by coach [Ray] Mears. We were precise. We'd work the ball around until we got a good shot. Temple thought it would slow the pace down and reverse the roles on us. [Assistant] coach [Stu] Aberdeen told us, 'Just stay in your positions. Be patient.' We stayed back in our zone and they passed the ball back and forth at the top of the key. Six or seven minutes would run off the dock and I'd just be sitting there in the lane, watching the clock wind down.

"The coaches didn't want us to come out of our 2-3 zone. [Temple] had some good inside players. I guess they thought if they could draw us out, it would open things for their inside players. The coaches told us to stay packed in."

Trudeaux to Kneib.

Kneib to Trudeaux.

Trudeaux to Kneib.

The strategy, for lack of a better word, was working Temple held the ball for the final 11:44 of the first half and went into halftime trailing by just two points.

Temple went back into the stall in the second half. The Tennessee crowd, which had lost its patience much earlier, began to well with hostility. The arena echoed with thousands of boos. Seven or eight police officers were summoned to stand guard behind the Owls bench, just in case.

Mears also grew angry. "Once in awhile, we'd look down at them and say, What are you doing? Play some basketball already.'" To which Casey, in his first year as head coach, would yell back, "Why don't you come out and get us?"

Says Casey: "I don't understand why they didn't come out. If they had attacked those two men, there would have been temporary chaos. We wouldn't have known what to do next."

But as it stood, Temple stalled and Tennessee waited. "A war of wills ensued," Casey says, "We had no idea what we were doing. I had no idea how to bring it to a conclusion. It was one of those things where we got so far into it, we didn't know how to get out of it And they didn't do anything to get out of it."

Kneib to Trudeaux.

Trudeaux to Kneib.

Kneib to Trudeaux

Temple didn't allow the Volunteers a single shot from the field in the second half But the Volunteers got four free throws from John Snow to collect an 11-6 victory. It was the lowest-scoring major college game since 1938. Kosmalski topped all scorers with five points.

Tennessee officials forced the Volunteers to play an intrasquad scrimmage after the game. "The people had come to see basketball," Mears says. "I was angry. I told their coach after the game was over that this is a game played for our fans. We invited teams from the east and west so they could see different styles of basketball. Temple had an eastern style. I told Casey, 'I gave you $10,000 to come in here to play and I'm disappointed. I'll never invite you back.'"

Casey says he got letters from psychologists, who were analyzing his personality through how he coached that game. Legendary DePaul coach Ray Meyers, at the game to see Tennessee in action, forever gave Casey grief for ruining his scouting trip. Temple didn't get its $10,000 check for over a year.

To this day, 30 years later, disbelieving fans will come up to Kosmalski and ask him if the final score was really 11-6.

"People see it in the record book and they ask me about it," Kosmalski says. "I'm like, 'Believe it or not, that was the score.'"

COPYRIGHT 2003 Century Publishing
COPYRIGHT 2004 Gale Group

Clinton Declares Self President For Life

Since the last article was from the onion, I decided to add one of my favorite onion articles here, published, as you may infer, during Bush and Gore's election fiasco.

November 15, 2000
| Issue 36•41

WASHINGTON, DC–Denouncing the American electoral process as "immoral and corrupt," President Clinton announced Tuesday that he will not step down on Jan. 20, 2001, declaring himself "President For Life."

Enlarge Image

Clinton greets his subjects from a White House balcony.

Proclaiming Nov. 14 a new national holiday as "Day One of Americlintonian Year Zero," Clinton issued a directive of total martial law over "all territories formerly known as these United States, from now on to be called the Holy United Imperial Americlintonian Demopublic (HUIAD)." He added that all election results are "hereby invalidated under Demopublican provisional law."

"The American people have spoken," Clinton said. "By failing to generate a 51 percent majority for either candidate, they have shown their inability to muster the drive to collective action. The time has come for a new America, a strong Americlintonian Empire, capable of providing the indecisive electorate with direction through one man's sheer force of will."

Dressed in full military regalia and flanked by members of his elite Demopublican Guard, Clinton told reporters, "Let all peoples of the land know this: The era of bipartisan inaction and paralysis has ended. The Age of the Great Cleansing Fire begins today."

A significant portion of the U.S. Armed Forces has sworn loyalty to the Imperial Demopublic Council of Generals, the new military wing of the Clinton regime. But despite such support, many political observers question the constitutionality of Clinton's actions, which include the burning of the Constitution, the dissolution of Congress, and the establishment of "re-education camps" in suburban D.C.

At a sparsely attended press conference, U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno raised the prospect of a Justice Department investigation of "possible illegal activities" on the part of Clinton. Most observers, however, believe that such a probe is unlikely: Less than an hour after Reno spoke, her battered and broken body was publicly fed to Clinton's dogs.

"Let them bring their pitiful reprisals to the impotent courts. Their lawyers and lawsuits shall face the wrath of a people united by the almighty fist," said Clinton, whose divinity as HUIAD's first Emperor-God was ratified late Tuesday night by the Americlintonic High Priest Council. "Let them recount their puny, paper ballots. They shall wither, as will the bankers, lawyers, and lobbyists all, before the Holy Cause of Americlintonia's glorious, righteous might."

Defiant in the face of objections from the Bush and Gore camps, Clinton has consolidated his power over the last several days, ordering armed takeovers of major federal buildings and the systematic collection and display of his enemies' heads on iron pikes.

In a test of the new regime's power outside the nation's capital, Senator-Elect Hillary Clinton, rechristened "Bride of The Lord Clinton On Earth," summarily ordered HUIAD troops to fire on Manhattan crowds, leaving more than 2,500 dead on Wall Street and quickly dispersing protesters loyal to defeated Republican challenger Rick Lazio.

Resistance movements are already forming. The new Legion Of Californians has sworn to defeat HUIAD in the west, and anti-Clinton groups have been reported across the U.S., including Naderist factions in Washington State and Maine.

Clinton has publicly dismissed such insurrections as "pathetic," confident that nothing will stem his authority over "the former U.S."

"The rebels are but mewling kittens who shall taste blood instead of milk," said Clinton, threatening to deploy HUAID-controlled nuclear weapons against members of resistance movements. "The holy power of the atom shall, if it must, cleanse this nation of all infidels."

Sudden Elder Death Syndrome

And you thought SIDS was bad.....
Here's an article from the onion.

Millions Of Americans Succumbing To Sudden Elder Death Syndrome

February 8, 2006 | Issue 42•06

McLEAN, VA—Despite remarkable advances in health care and the study of medicine in recent decades, scientists remain baffled by Sudden Elder Death Syndrome, a disorder that cuts long lives short and leaves aggrieved loved ones wondering why.
Millions Of Americans Succumbing To Sudden Elder Death Syndrome

Also known as Craftmatic Adjustable Bed Death, SEDS is the sudden, unexplained passing of an elderly person. In many SEDS cases, even a full autopsy and a review of 80-plus years of health records cannot account for the mysterious death.

"We have no forensic explanation for it," said Dr. Martin Gerrard, chairman of the SEDS Institute. "These seemingly healthy elders—some of whom are performing such normal activities as eating liquefied food, trying to stand up, or taking frequent naps—just stop breathing."

According to a study published by the SEDS Institute, Sudden Elder Death Syndrome is the leading cause of death among people over the age of 85. Nicolai Korsgaard, author of the most comprehensive SEDS investigation conducted in the past decade, said scientists have been unable to replicate his results because study participants often succumb to SEDS before the studies are complete.

"Over 99 percent of elders between the ages of 100 and 105 die of SEDS," Korsgaard said. "As a researcher and caregiver, I can't think of a scenario more gut-wrenching than that of a healthy and contented centenarian slipping into a deep slumber and never awakening."

The earliest recorded SEDS fatality occurred on American soil in 1661, when 58-year-old English-born colonist Jonas Clay died in his sleep in his cabin. While advances in mattress technology and elder care have raised the average age of SEDS victims from 54.5 in 1700 to 78.6 today, the mysterious syndrome kills at exactly the same rate it did three centuries ago.

"Doctors haven't isolated any genetic anomalies or behavior patterns among elders afflicted with SEDS," Gerrard said. "The one constant in the SEDS community is age. We do know that the older one gets, the greater the risk of becoming a victim."

However, independent research group SEDS Prevention Alliance has detected patterns among SEDS victims.

"Nearly 80 percent of SEDS deaths occur in a home setting, such as a nursing home or assisted-living facility," said SEDSPA director Melinda Byrnes. "Inactive elders who lie in their beds all day ingesting prescription medicines are especially susceptible."

For many loved ones of SEDS victims, however, these and other theories offer little comfort. Atlanta resident Mary-Beth Soltis, 34, lost her grandmother Esther, 91, to SEDS in 2003.

"Every day, I think, 'There must have been something I could have done to save Nana,'" Soltis said. "When I left the hospital the night before, I never thought that it would be the last time I saw her. What did I do wrong? I'm a terrible granddaughter."

Byrnes recommends putting elders to sleep on their backs, checking on them regularly, and monitoring them with a device called an electrocardiograph, which emits a sustained electronic tone if your elder is in danger of succumbing to SEDS.